Mean Teens 2.0

I was going to call this Mean Girls, but it is beyond that. I wonder how our youth have become so selfless and so vindictive at the same time. They are so cutthroat and wicked, fully willing to cut a person to shreds for their own amusement and all with their parents standing behind them.

My kids are far from perfect. I have raised them strong. I have raised them independent. I have raised them to want more, to work hard, and to not let popular opinion sway who they are. I have raised them to be contributors, thinkers, believers, and givers. But they are not perfect. Sometimes they are mean. Sometimes they make people cry. And when I hear about it, we often discuss "WTH they were thinking and they better darn well apologize because I raised them better than that and they have a family name to uphold. WE do not act like that." Yes, it's all very proud and family honor-ish, but it is necessary. Someday they will be world contributors. Someday they will have children, and we want them to be proud to say they are a Scarr. So, I have raised them to think, and be kind, and use logic, and be proud of who they are.

Then the little snots around us happen. The uppity adults at church, with their mean spirited little beasts. The horrid little monsters at school, who belittle our choices to promote education and personal responsibility and hard work. The Mean Girls who are more than happy to spread lies, twist truths, and threaten reputation based on the way a certain boy looks at my daughter. Not to mention the very nice boyfriend who turned into a possessive demented freak upon breaking up with her.

What is wrong with these kids? Or is it my kids? I've read the texts, the emails, the snapchats, the instagrams, the FB posts and instant messages. I'm looking for the fault in my child, to better educate them on proper social interaction, because someday they will leave, they will have to go it alone, and they will need to be civilized adults. So far, I'm not finding much. I wonder what gives a girl the right to call my son an A$$, a D***, an a$$h$$$, to say filthy things to him in text, and then cry foul when he uses similar language. And then, after discussion, he apologized to the young lady for his lack of respect and have her STILL berate him with those words. I liked her. She was fun, and sweet, and kind. She was welcome in our home, and becoming a favorite of the little kids. She is no longer welcome, and I hate that! I hate having to be that way! You do NOT treat people that way. My sons have been taught to respect, protect, and cherish women. But first they need to find women who act like women and are worthy of it I guess. Young women, behave yourself. You are not a man. You do not get to use foul language and be cruel. If you want respect, then act like a woman who deserves it. If you don't like a guy, then politely walk away. Don't make a dramatic production out of it, involve all your friends, his friends, and everyone else. You are nothing more than a drama queen with a filthy mouth, and that is just trashy. I'm sorry a guy hurt your feelings. Be a woman, have self-respect, and be better than to wallow in the gutter.

High school girls truly are the worst. My daughter is pretty. She is thin. The is funny. She is smart. She is sassy. She has personality shining out every pore. And she is hated for it. Girls are drawn to be her friend, until they can't stand it and hate her. Boys are drawn to her, until they realize she doesn't need a knight in shining armor. Boys with girlfriends, ex girlfriends, and girls who want to be more than friends are drawn to her. This is where is gets hard. This is when girls hate her. I don't mean hate as in ignore and exclude. I mean HATE as in threaten to destroy reputations, spreading rumors, stalking to see if she's really where she says or if she's with a boy, threats to tell ME lies so I will punish her. I truly don't understand this. And this by girls who were her friends. This happens on a far smaller scale at the charter school, but doesn't really last. The kids have known each other since forever, and see through the lies pretty quickly. But, since we have changed high schools, the social aspect has been a living hell. She loves her classes, loves the academics. Hates the kids. I ache when she calls to tell me she walked out of seminary for being told she wasn't a good Mormon and to change religions. Who even does that? What are those kids' parents teaching them?

And then the most serious, the possessive, obsessive, wild card ex-boyfriend. They dated for almost a year. They wisely broke up when he graduated, and now he's off to college. She is still friends with that little group. Some have graduated, and she's gone out with one or two of them. This boy (and I say boy because he's an immature boy) had the nerve to ask ME to keep her from dating certain boys because it is interfering with his studies. He's in a different CITY! She doesn't talk to him, doesn't see him, doesn't go anywhere that she'd even be able to flaunt a date in his face. She doesn't post it to FB or Instagram. She has done nothing. And yet, he calls her up, F- this and F- that, and you are just a slut, and vulgar, vulgar garbage. Texts me that she's sneaking out from her friends house (the friend in the above paragraph making her life a living hell, so apparently now they are hanging out, um, no.) and making up other garbage. In asking him to stop, I was told my poor choices led to a promiscuous daughter (yeah, NO) who kisses his friends (once on a date, on the cheek, so I've been told) and that my marriage is falling apart because I'm a piece of crap mom.(yeah, it's not, but last I heard his parent's was) All this from an 18 year old. Who no longer has a part in my childs life. Who can't let it go. Because it's none of his business who she dates, at all, ever again. But to back up a little, this is also the same boy, whose father beat him, (I have pictures!!) whose father hates my child, whose mother actively snubs me at church, and has made it very difficult to practice my faith because of the cliquish nature of our ward. We've been here 8 years, but they've been here longer. It's been made clear that I am not welcome there.

So, what to do. We block the numbers that need blocked. Block the FB accounts that need blocked. Check windows and doors, make sure she's safe at work, and pray a lot that she will be safe. The next step with the possessive ex is the no-contact order. I never thought I'd need one of those ever again. Ever. He's a legal adult. She's a minor. It's a no brainer. But still, do we ruin a life because he's too immature to see what he's doing, or do we ruin it for the perceived safety of our child. We teach our son to be kind, apologize, and behave like a proper man. The girls he has dated, he has cherished and protected. Too bad they turned up crazy. I just want to gather them all in, all four. Close the doors and windows, shut out the social media, and keep them safe.

We need to move more than anybody realizes...