Medication: enemy is thy name

So this manic phase I've been going through hasn't stopped. It has gotten worse. So, recognizing it for what it is I dutifully called my Dr. Upon our visit, my medications were changed. Now, I am 98% positive this is a short phase triggered by anesthesia from 2 surgeries within 6 months of each other. I'm positive that lifestyle changes that have needed to happen for a few years now should be implemented immediately to nip this issue and interrupt it's trajectory. So, when Dr. said to add a medication to help, I figured sure why not. It's easier than changing my entire life and that of my family.

That evening, I took 1/2 tablet of the magic tablet. I frantically worked in creating 45 teacher and staff gifts for appreciation week, and ended up falling asleep before finishing. The next morning, I could open my eyes about half way, and mumble my way though instructions to my kids. Thankfully Rob was home and able to supervise the morning since all I could do was lay there with my limbs forcefully glued to the mattress. I seriously could. not. move. That was scary but because of the meds, I really didn't care. So, everyone left and I drifted off into a stone cold sleep. Later, my dear husband came home to check on me, to help get me moving. I was able to finish the teacher things and deliver them. During deliver, an interesting thing occurred. My right arm began to uncontrollably shake. Thought it was a fluke from carrying about bags of goodies to 45 teachers. It then happened again, I dropped my phone. And again, when I dumped my lunch. At this point I'm angry and crying. I can't have tremors on this med! I WONT. So, I call the Dr., tell him, he says stop the med, I gratefully say thank you.

The day went on, and turned to evening. The house settled down, and soon all were asleep. Except me. And I wasn't asleep at 2am. or 4am. or 6am. I offered breakfast to the kids, who thought my head was on wrong. I sent them to school, sent Rob to work, and did laundry, DEEP cleaned my room, and prepared for the day. I delivered lunch to the school staff for the end of appreciation week. I had lunch with Rob. I am STILL wide awake. I run errands and make it home to greet my munchkins at the door. We go over homework, talk about plans for the night, and I decided to lay down for a minute...that sleepy minute never came. Dinner came and went. Kids went with friends, had friends over, quit jobs, talked until midnight, and the girls giggled for hours and hours.

And I finally slept.

36 hours of awake and finally restful sleep. Saturday I was allowed to sleep in. Rob knows all about these all night binges that reset my clock. During those sleepless 36 hours I devised a plan. Medication is not magic. Medication can only go so far. And, side effects are often worse than the struggle it is supposed to help. So, through a LOT of deep fervent prayer, a lot of deep research, and a lot of personal thought, I decided to go to my Dr. with MY treatment plan. One that works with his treatment plan. I've begun a portion of it and so far, it is working a lot better than medication.

So, here is my "magic" sleep formula: (in conjunction with his suggestions)
--Cut back the caffeine
This one is hard, as I will admit I probably should be in a program. (Hi, I'm Amy and I am an addict. I'd love nothing more than a caffeine drip combined with Ambien at bedtime.) So far, I an down to 1, yes 1, diet Pepsi. I tried 0 but the headaches were killer. Baby steps. Also, this has to be drank before noon. No exceptions.
--10pm bedtime for everyone in this house.
Little kids go at 830. anything you have to tell me must be told before these hours. 10pm I start turning off lights. It promotes melatonin. I brew sleepytime tea, and sip it while in my pj's over a good book.
--Electronics are off after 10:30pm.
Soon all electronics will be moved from my bedroom to my new office!!! I'm excited. The screens and blue light is disruptive to sleep.
--Quiet, fervent prayer.
often times prayer becomes a standard hurried rush. I need to remember my Heavenly Father is my friend, and that was made so clear to me when I was impressed that HE knows ME. HE loves ME. HE keeps me close and protects me. To have FAITH and have peace. Choose to BE happy. I share this because it was so profound to me. When I feel like a failure every Sunday at church. When I feel snubbed, or lonely, or out of place. I need remember HE loves me and keeps me close. I trust His guidance and will follow in faith.
--And when prayer and quietude won't cut it, I have my evening Yoga. It's relaxing, calming, clearing.

In addition to the sleep formula, which is so far working as I strive to complete each task consistently each night, my daytimes are subject to change too. No caffeine before noon, exercise daily, no naps (or nap before 11am), eat breakfast, delegate responsibility, play in the sunshine with Lucy Dog, Take a good multivitamin, and other vitamin supplements. Also, eat good food! We are considering Paleo. We eat it anyway, with Rob being diabetic, there are no processed sugars or grains here! I try to make everything from fresh real foods.

I guess the point of my story, is that as patients, mental health or otherwise, we must respect the knowledge of our physicians but also be our own advocates for health. No two patients are created alike. My bipolar isn't like anyone else's bipolar. My insomnia is not the same as a typical insomnia. You know your body better than anyone, and the vast knowledge and experience of any doctor can't compare to having lived in your body for a lifetime. I am so grateful for a Dr. who listens and helps me try rather than just shove more pills my way. Relief is slow, but it is coming. I can feel the "normal" just out of reach. It's closer than before, and soon this will all be a bad dream.